Spring. The funk of March has been cleared away and the taxman should be sowing grass in my front yard. The tax man you say? One would have thought it to be someone from Chemlawn or
It’s quite simple. I have a need that I cannot satisfy due to discrimination. Not the heinous Don Imus style discrimination, more like the Elaine from Seinfeld ban from ordering Chinese take out type of discrimination. I have come to find out that I must have been black balled by the lawn care community in
In those last three weeks we have been on the hunt for someone to service our lawn. The company we’ve been turning to for the last few years to maintain
One might ask why I don’t get off my duff and do it myself? The answer is that I’m an adult and I don’t want to. I work 50 plus hours a week and have no desire to play NASCAR with a lawn mower for an extra hour a week. This brings me to why the government should step in. My experience is demonstrates that there is a shortage of lawn care providers in the Metro Nashville area. I’m sure this inequity is a violation of the Interstate Commerce Clause, and thus is the purview of the government.
The Federal Government provides subsides to Wal-Mart, soybeans farmers, and research on how cow farts contribute to global warming. As a matter of fact, these subsidies could be used to entice lawn service professionals to use electric lawn mowers. That would create a carbon credit and my yard could be the test site. Further subsides should be given for pressing inmates, juvenile delinquents, and Zamfir; “Master of the Pan Flute” fans into governmental lawn care. The result is obvious, a happier populace with fewer gangs of teenager blasting Zamfir music in parking lots across the nation.
Friends, neighbors (well not the ones that are hacked because my lawn looks like crap, but the other neighbors), countrymen; lend me your lawns. Call your representatives to implement this plan with haste. Not only could you never have to cut a blade of grass again, but think what you would be doing to stop Global Warming. Think of the plant folks, and the children. And by the way, if you know of someone that cuts grass, let me know; will you...