30 January 2007

Evil Skwerl

In my line of work I have to deal with in bound freight brought to my establishment by tractor-trailers. The east bound and down, convoy rolling through the night, 53 foot big rigs that cris-cross the country supplying every need we have. One aspect of a trailer’s existence is internal graffiti. We’ve all seen the “Jesus saves” or “Visualize world peace” written on dust on trailer’s doors. This is by no means the only graffiti that adorns our nation’s cargo haulers.

The freight business breeds conditions that would heighten the need to express one’s self. Long hours of isolation, the stress of keeping time tables, long waits at pick up/drop off points, and time away from home are contributing factors for a desire of self expression. I hypothesize that this is why inside most trailers can be found a plethora of the world’s most colorful graffiti. Most examples I am unable to print in this public forum.

The picture below is an example of said trucker art. This particular piece speaks to me on a number of levels.

Those that know me will know exactly why: my love for all things skwerl and an interest in crypto-zoology. There is no mistaking the evil skwerl as being part of the chupacabra legend. There’s a little known story of a peyote eating male chupacabra mating with a Red Foxx Skwerl on the outskirts of Tijuana. The result was an abomination of both species.

Known as the ardilla malvada to locals, the prime Skwerl adopted many of the physical characteristics of its mother. This new breed looked like any other skwerl, only slightly larger. From the father, the hybrid gained enhanced strength and speed, night vision, elongated teeth, and a carnivores’ appetite. A dangerous combination for a species of skwerl that is known to be protective of its warren’s territory. If you recall, a Red Foxx Skwerl is immortalized in Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. This animal flings a nut at Hester Prynn’s child, beaning little Pearl’s head.

The Ardilla Malvada prime began to mate with the regular Red Foxx Skwerl population. Luckily there were few births in the first generation of Ardilla Malvada. Had the population grown to the density of skwerl in most cities’ parks, we all would have been in trouble. Small packs of Ardilla would band together in hunting groups. Some stories say that no fewer than five of these little boogers could take down a Bambi sized fawn in a matter of minutes.

Of course I have no hard proof that they exist and all my information is from a Coast-to-Coast AM caller. I didn’t think they really existed. At least till tonight when I saw the pictogram for myself. So the next time you’re in a public park or out hiking a back trail, watch out. Once an Evil Skwerl gets a taste for human blood, they will never eat anything else again….

3 comments:

WordSmith said...

Kannard, it appears you have entirely too much time on your hands, brother!

Bear said...

I would say you don't have ENOUGH time. The story of Ardilla Malvada must be told.

Charlie said...

You've been listening to Art Bell again, haven't you?