04 January 2007

And That's a Wrap...

It has taken me 4 days to convince myself that the 2006 holiday season is finally over with. The space from 1 Nov to 31 Dec turns me into something akin to Atlas and Sisyphus’ bastard love child. Between my friends, family, job, and dodging Burl Ives; life can get a little wiggy during this 61 day period. And the chorus of Tralfamadorians that reside in my head sing, “So it goes…”

In the journal of this year’s holiday season, I thought I would share some bullet point successes and failures, in clearing the books on naught-six. I have few hopes that this blog will serve any purpose other than releasing the pent up psycho-creative backwash that swims in between my ears. So take the red pill and ride the wave baby.

Successes

  • Lasting through the entire Nashville Christmas parade with my son without freezing to death or taking a hostage.
  • Carving the Thanksgiving turkey with a nail file from a knock off brand Swiss Army Knife
  • Not getting caught by Metro for driving on expired tags
  • Talking Laura into using a beaver puppet and Burt the stuffed squirrel as Christmas Tree decorations.
  • Beating Richard Nixon’s record for Maalox consumed in a 24 hour period of time.
  • Not physically or verbally abusing the guy in the mall that claimed, “Celine Dion can make anything sound wonderful.”
  • Finding out that South Beach Meal Replacement Bars give me worse gas than a trough full of cabbage, broccoli, and brussle sprouts.
  • Dressed as an elf and went from office party to office party in a Downtown building. No one was the wiser…

Failures

  • Burl Ives whooped my large white bottom on the 15th of November. You’ve bested me again fat man.
  • Attempted to seek the wisdom of three wise men and got the same response from all, “Don’t eat at a Mexican place that doesn’t warn you that the plates are hot.” I was hoping for a little more substance than that.
  • Loosing an argument with a woman that since 1979 the incremental size increase of chicken legs was not a government plot.
  • Being questioned by the FBI about my sale of a Play Station 4 on Ebay
  • Did not stave off turning 34
  • Not shooting someone’s eye out with an official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock.
  • Finding out that Boxing Day does not mean that you dress for work as your favorite boxer.

Well that puts a lid on the major events of the holiday season. Happy Festivus to all and to all a good night.

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