28 October 2006

Aww... It's Just What We Call Pillow Talk Baby...

One of the great joys of being a couple is the conversations that happen just before you drift off to sleep. Some of the world’s greatest ideas and disastrous arguments have happened during pillow talk times. Legend has it that Louis Pasteur formed the theory of pasteurization while his mistress was asking Louis what color he was going to paint his ceiling. Anthony and Cleopatra traded pillowed verbal barbs over why she had never been introduced to Anthony’s parents. Examples of such quips and chats are equal only to the number of couples that have shared the same bed.

Had one been a fly on the wall one recent night at Fort Donelson, one such conversation could have been heard. The setting is 11-ish on a school night, good nights had been said, nests have been made, and the physical practicalities of sleep are setting in. The dialogue that evening is as follows:

L: Do you ever wonder how transvestites hide their candy?

B: How in the fudge did you know I wasn’t already asleep?

L: You weren’t breathing like you were asleep. I know your sleep breathing and that wasn’t close to you going to sleep.

B: And how exactly does “sleep breathing” sound like?

L: Not how you were just breathing.

B: Great, I’m not winning this one. They tuck and roll.

L: Tuck and roll where? Cause there is no where to stuff anything there.

B: Do you want me to draw you a picture? I am not getting up and demonstrating.

L: Wouldn’t that hurt? How does it stay up there?

B: Well I’ll have to consult my past life as a drag queen to answer that, get the Ouija Board out.

L: You know, you really should have seen the loaf I baked at work today. I nearly took a picture with my camera phone, but I knew it would make you yak on my new phone.

Very long pause

L: When do you need to go back to the optometrist again?

B: Honey I don’t know sometime before the end of the year.

L: Well you need new glasses. And what are you working Thursday?

B: I’m not, I’m off. What do you need me to do?

L: Oh nothing I just couldn’t remember.

B: In that case I’m going to sleep.

L: Now that you mention it, the dry cleaning should be done.

B: Yes Ms. Daisy, I’ll get right on that.

L: That’s not nice. Besides, I don’t think we share enough.

B: Did you drop a tab of acid before you came to bed? What’s with the chatty Cathy bit?

L: I have a curious mind; don’t you want to know what I’m thinking baby?

B: Not at the moment. Go to sleep and pray that bugs don’t start crawling over your arms in the middle of the night.

L: Great now I can’t go to sleep because it will feel like bugs will be crawling on me after you said that. Besides my feet are cold.

B: Alright… (B does something to placate L and hopes she will clam up long enough to let sleep creep in.)

Thus ends another pillow side chat at the Fort.

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