23 April 2006

When Two Worlds Collide

SPOILER ALERT: You might have to be a huge geek to get this Blog entry.
Like every other Blogger in the Universe, I write for fun. The fantasy comes in when you think that someone would actually pay you to write whatever it is you wish. (Given that in a finite universe, all inspiration will be used up at some point. Since inspiration is a nonrenewable resource, it has value. So it stands to reason that someone should be paying me for this...)
I was in a book store yesterday and saw a book that made me think this might actually be true. Cocking my head towards the bookshelf, I recalculated my first assessment. Like a puppy trying to comprehend the quadratic formula, I reassessed the importance of what I was looking at. The second computations brought me the same conclusions now tinged with anger.
The text in question is Star Trek The Next Generation: X-Men, X-Planet I am a self-professed geek, but even this one smells funny to me. I could not imagine how truly horrible this cross universe novel could be. Looking on the bright side, publishers must be hard up for new material to sink money into this project. The bad news for all you aspiring writers, is that this author snatched a little bit of inspiration out of the ether for this project. Sorry folks, one good idea that could have been, will never now never be.
Hit the book's link above to check out Amazon's description. I assure you, I wish this was a finely crafted hoax.
Putting myself in the author’s creative process, I began to ponder plot points that surly would crop up.
  • Wolverine and Worf getting into an arm wrestling contest that ends in a pillow fight.

  • Storm, Jean Grey, and Councilor Troi watching old holo-casts of The View while eating Dippin’ Dots.

  • Geordi and Cyclops comparing visors.

  • Nightcrawler gives the Good News to Data. Data hears the voice of an angel speak to him and sells his hair to Ferengi to feed the poor.

  • Beast and Dr. Crusher endlessly boor the crew talking about Bio-Chemistry and find some of their own.

  • Capt. Picard removes a space tick from Professor X’s knee. Before Picard can finish the delicate removal, the space tick introduces toxic venom into the Professor’s blood stream. Only reversing the tachion emissions of the ship’s rubindium crystals will save him.

  • The Star Jammers show up and hold a Federation version of a USO concert for the Enterprise’s crew.

  • In the final fever pitched battle scene, the Enterprise runs out of photon torpedoes. Their only option is to launch Colossus out of the tube to punch a hole in the enemy’s ship.

  • Wesley Crusher, wanting to show his gratitude, knits space shawls for all of the X-men.

There truly is no justice in either the Star Trek or X-men the universes.

1 comment:

WordSmith said...

This only confirms my belief that anyone with the will and determination of self-imagined talent can write, be published and make money off of their own personal bunk. Yes Virginia, there is a god and he's pissed.