23 October 2005

The Joys of Fartherhood

This past Friday night I initiated my 4 year old son into a new world, and he may never be the same. Never again will my son pull someone's finger without thinking that a bulbous fart will erupt from someone's toothole. Of course the object lesson here is cause and effect. It's an important lesson for a young tike to learn. Other than the fact I thought he was going to pass out for laughing so hard, I don't think I've done any permanent damage to his little psyche. The time honored father/son ritual made me nostalgic for the night my father shook the very foundations of my faith in humanity. And made me hope I haven't scared my son for life as well.

The fateful night was on 20 Sept 1977. (Though TV episode guides, I have been able to track down the exact day and time this event happened.) I was standing in the den patiently waiting for my mother to finish dinner and Three's Company to come on. As the serene scenes of Southern California began to flood the TV screen, the stream of consciousness is as follows.

Come and knock on our door...
Hey Brian, come over here
We've been waiting for you....
Pull my finger
Where the kisses are her's and her's and ...
Jabbo, a gaseous conflagration that came out of my father's bottom was deafening
My mother runs from the kitchen with a wooden spoon in her hand screaming, "John what did you do. What did you just do to him!!"

Yes folks, cause and effect was taught to me that fateful night. After being chastised by my mother, dad slinks into the Lazyboy to watch Jack Tripper look for a second job. The gas still lingering heavy in the air, Jack's new job with a modeling agency made no dent in my mother's mood. Even the punch line of the episode, Jack having to model naked, did nothing to clear the air that night. As such, I stepped though a doorway that led me a little closer to manhood.

Thanks Dad...

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